A set of tools for mastering the one skill standing between us and success: the ability to ask for the things we need to succeed. Imagine you're on a deadline for a big project, and feeling overwhelmed. Or you're looking for a job, but can't seem to get your foot in the door. Or you're dying for tickets to a sold out concert, and all your leads have gone cold. What do these problems have in common? They can all be solved simply by reaching out to a colleague, friend, or wider network and making an ask. Studies show that asking for help makes us better and less frustrated at our jobs. It helps us find new opportunities and new talent. It unlocks new ideas and solutions, and enhances team performance. And it helps us get the things we need outside the workplace as well. And yet, we rarely give ourselves permission to ask. Luckily, the research shows that asking - and getting - what we need is much easier than we tend to think. Here, Baker shares a set of strategies - used at companies like Google, GM, and IDEO - that individuals, teams, and leaders can use to make asking for help a personal and organizational habit, such as: SMART criteria for making an ask, "plus-and-play" routines that make requests a standard component of meetings, mini-games that incentivize asking within teams, and the Reciprocity Ring , a guided activity that allows people to tap into the giving power of a network.

“Over the past fifteen years, Wayne Baker has taught me one of the most important lessons of my career: The biggest barrier to generosity is not that others are unwilling to give, but that we’re afraid to ask. In a book that’s simultaneously engaging, evidence-based, and practical, he shows how we can become more skilled at making requests and more comfortable with receiving help. His advice will put you in a better position to achieve your goals and build stronger relationships along the way.”—Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife
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“Simple and eye-opening, this invaluable book by Wayne Baker shows us how individuals, teams, and organizations alike can tap the huge hidden potential available to us anytime through the powerful act of asking for help. Very useful!” —William Ury, co-author of the bestselling Getting to Yes, author *Getting to Yes with Yourself

“Gives readers stories they can relate to and tools they can apply to get and give help that will make their lives more productive and their jobs more satisfying. It shows why human communities remain important in the digital age, and how leaders can cultivate positive organizational cultures that help people succeed.”—Rosabeth Moss Kanter, Ernest L. Arbuckle Professor at Harvard Business School and author of Think Outside the Building

“Sometimes our most powerful ideas are the simplest. Wayne Baker has grounded the power of reciprocity in a book that is loaded with simple, research-based insights and strategies.  All You Have to Do Is Ask provides useful advice for helping readers get more of what they want at work and in life. An absolute must-read and follow!”—Len Schlesinger, Baker Foundation Professor, Harvard Business School
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“Asking for help may be one of the hardest things individuals have to do. Yet it is critical to our success. Expert Wayne Baker creates a compelling case for why we need to leap past this internal hurdle, for when we do, the miraculous can emerge. Based on years of grounded research on generosity, reciprocity, and organizational networks, All You Have to Do Is Ask provides the practical nudges necessary to overcome our bias for self-reliance.”—Michael J. Arena, author of the bestselling Adaptive Space and former chief talent officer, General Motors
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“In his new book, Wayne Baker shares the formula for driving personal, organizational, and social change by tapping the power of our teams and networks for help. This insightful book is a must-read for anyone seeking practical and proven solutions to make our workplaces and world a better place.”—Noel Tichy, professor, University of Michigan, and author of Judgment and Control Your Destiny or Someone Else Will

Autorentext

Wayne Baker

Leseprobe
Chapter 1

Just Ask and Miracles Happen

Jessica was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. She is a generous person by nature who had volunteered, as she often does, to help a stressed-­out colleague. This time, it was a recent hire at the IT firm where they both worked who was inexperienced with the company’s customer relationship management (CRM) system and had fallen behind. Jessica knew the system inside out, so she offered to take over a data-­entry task on her colleague’s behalf. But what started as a simple favor for a colleague in distress soon grew into a colossal headache for Jessica.1

“The additional workload didn’t seem overwhelming when I agreed to help,” Jessica told me, “but I quickly realized how time-­consuming it was.” She began coming into the office early, staying late, and working through lunch to keep up with her existing job duties. She became resentful of the rest of her team for going out for lunch, or leaving work at 5:00 P.M. “I was even resentful when people stopped by my office to catch up!” she said. “A fifteen-­minute conversation with a coworker meant fifteen minutes I wouldn’t be able to spend with my family that evening.”

Jessica needed some help of her own. But she never asked for it. “I assumed that my other team members had full plates also, so I continued to labor through the workload,” she explained. “I didn’t know how important it was for me to raise my hand and ask for help. I assumed that it was the responsibility of my manager or coworkers to notice how much extra work I was doing and offer to help shoulder the load.”

As Jessica’s desperation grew, she saw only one solution: quit. And that’s what she did. Looking back on her situation, she realized that the problem was never her job or her employer, it was her own failure to ask for the help she needed to get her work done. “I will never make that mistake again!” she said.

Like Jessica, so many of us are reluctant to ask for help when we are overwhelmed. When I ask audiences what it takes for them to ask for help, most people tell me they only speak up once they reach their wit’s end.2 “I ask for help only when I can’t figure it out for myself and I’m totally desperate,” they say.

If that statement describes you too, you aren’t alone. And yet, giving voice to our needs and requests has so many benefits. It makes us more effective at our jobs. It leads us to new job opportunities—­or new talent for job openings. It helps us better adjust to new circumstances. It enhances learning and boosts creativity. It elevates team performance and improves operational efficiency. Moreover, studies show that when we do make a request, even total strangers are significantly more likely to grant it than we assume. Asking for help is often the one simple act standing between us and success. But, the thought of actually doing so can be terrifying for so many of us.

It’s critical to understand that help rarely arrives unasked for. In fact, studies show that as much as 90 percent of the help that is provided in the workplace occurs only after requests for help have been made.3 The explanation is simple. People can’t help you if they don’t know what you need, and they don’t know what you need until you tell them. When we don’t ask for what we…