A Winner of the Child Psychology Award for Literary Excellence “A comprehensive roadmap for parents who want to raise securely attached, emotionally healthy children. A parenting must-read.” --Alyssa Blask Campbell, M.Ed., author of “Eli Harwood teaches the essentials of attachment, which can help parents ''show up'' in ways that enable our children to become securely attached to us.” --Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Learn how to create a lifetime of connection, trust, and open communication with your children through connection-focused parenting. Though there have been countless studies on how attachment styles affect our romantic relationships, Licensed therapist and highly sought-after attachment research expert Eli Harwood illuminates the science that explores our innate human need to bond with other humans, and helps us harness it as the only parenting approach proven to have a lasting impact. Her loyal following--fast approaching the millions--connects to Eli’s accessible approach that helps everyone form secure and close relationships with their kids, which helps them develop resilience, confidence, and form close relationships in the future. Hopeful and inspiring, this essential evidence-based guide shows parents, educators, and anyone with children in their lives that they are not alone in the questions and concerns they may have about raising confident, capable, and caring kids. Covering every parenting era from newborns to adults, ...

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Eli Harwood

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*A USA TODAY* BESTSELLER

Winner of the Child Psychology Award for Literary Excellence

“A comprehensive roadmap for parents who want to raise securely attached, emotionally healthy children. A parenting must-read.” —Alyssa Blask Campbell, M.Ed., author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions

“Eli Harwood teaches the essentials of attachment, which can help parents 'show up' in ways that enable our children to become securely attached to us.” —Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., New York Times bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child

Learn how to create a lifetime of connection, trust, and open communication with your children through connection-focused parenting.**

Though there have been countless studies on how attachment styles affect our romantic relationships, Raising Securely Attached Kids is the first book to reframe the subject for caregivers and children.

Licensed therapist and highly sought-after attachment research expert Eli Harwood illuminates the science that explores our innate human need to bond with other humans, and helps us harness it as the only parenting approach proven to have a lasting impact. Her loyal following—fast approaching the millions—connects to Eli’s accessible approach that helps everyone form secure and close relationships with their kids, which helps them develop resilience, confidence, and form close relationships in the future.

“Eli Harwood brings infectious-fun energy, vulnerability, and fresh perspectives without shaming or blaming. Not only is Raising Securely Attached Kids a practical and actionable guide, it’s grounded in science and entertaining to read.” —Hilary Swank, actress, storyteller, mom of twins

Hopeful and inspiring, this essential evidence-based guide shows parents, educators, and anyone with children in their lives that they are not alone in the questions and concerns they may have about raising confident, capable, and caring kids.

Covering every parenting era from newborns to adults, Raising Securely Attached Kids teaches simple, real-life strategies that will help you:

• Move past old patterns from your childhood to become the parent or caregiver you yearn to be—no matter what you went through growing up
• Resolve past attachment traumas so you can offer a calm, connected, and secure base
• Create a secure attachment relationship with your kids by choosing connection over control
• Build and reinforce a strong foundation of trust with scripts and practical tools

• Understand that it’s never too late to create a stronger bond with your children

  Leseprobe
  INTRODUCTION

  There are so many good books and guides available to help us all learn how to parent in conscious, smart, and effective ways. While those resources are wonderful and can be a huge help in navigating particularly challenging situations or stages, clients often report that the techniques or approaches in these books “don’t work”, and that they have had to fall back on parenting techniques that they don’t want to do, like yelling, shaming, and punishing. 

  When I check out the books they have been consulting, they are usually giving sound parenting advice. But, the advice written in them is advice that works brilliantly IF and ONLY IF, we have already cultivated a secure way of relating to our children. And while it’s great to learn an acronym to help us stick to consistent discipline, it won’t do diddly squat in the long run if our children don’t emotionally trust us. 

  Creating a secure relationship with our children is the foundational step to helping them to live a deeply fulfilling, meaningful, and connected life. When our children feel seen, heard, supported and emotionally soothed by us, all the other parenting tips and tricks start to work much better. 

  A connected relationship is truly the most outstanding ingredient needed to raise a well-regulated, socially capable, all-around secure kid, who grows into a caring, confident and resilient adult. 
    
  Secure attachment also benefits us by making for a far more enjoyable child-rearing process. Instead of being at odds with our children in a constant battle for power, we get to be their allies and supporters as they navigate this wild ride we call life. 
   
  This book will:

• Help you create a secure attachment relationship with your children across different developmental stages
• Reflect on what attachment pattern you developed in childhood and why you respond and act in certain ways during emotional moments with your children 
• Guide you in resolving past attachment traumas or insecurities
• Provide secure scripts that you can use in specific scenarios with your kids 
• Provide practical tools for building trust and repairing conflicts and cultivate a culture of cooperation between you and your children
• Show you what to do about the tricky or uncomfortable topics that we all face in our parenting journey 

• Encourage you to (securely) release the reins of influence as your children grow in independence
  I want to clear up two misconceptions about attachment first.

  Fact #1: Attachment Research and Connection Focused Parenting IS NOT NEW.
  This is not a trend or something I personally discovered or made up. 

  It is a human adaptation that has been practiced in every indigenous culture since the beginning of human existence. While it may seem new in contrast to parenting trends of the past couple of centuries, those disconnected patterns happened as a result of wars, colonizations, and influential people who did not have a solid understanding of attachment science. 

  For instance in the 1930s, Dr. John Watson, one of the founders of behaviorism gave this advice to parents in his book, Behaviorism: “Never, never hug and kiss them, never let them sit in your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say goodnight. Shake hands with them in the morning.”  Disconnected parenting advice like Dr Watson’s went viral in the 1900’s and merged with the unresolved traumas that many people were navigating during that era. These ideas have been around long enough to feel o…