The Cost of Quiet

The number one lament women share with couple''s therapist Colette Fehr is ''I wish I had spoken up sooner''. Regardless of age, race, education and economic status, her clients-and women the world over-are suffering from an epidemic of ''quiet quitting'' in their relationships. The cost of this self-imposed silence decimates well-being and destroys partnerships. Whether due to fear of conflict, protection of the status quo, discomfort around vulnerability or culturally instilled self-sacrificing, suppressing the expression of feelings and needs is an act of acute self-abandonment, one which leaves women feeling depleted, disconnected, emotionally paralyzed, lonely, frustrated and unfulfilled. The Cost of Quiet is the antidote to this crisis. Both a call-to-action and a practical guide, it gives readers the skillset to experience more meaningful connection to themselves and to their partners. Through a series of exercises designed to embolden women to value their inner experience, The Cost of Quiet gives them the tools to communicate their truth confidently and effectively in a way that deepens understanding and intimacy. Drawing from Attachment Science and evidence-based therapeutic modalities such as Internal Family Systems, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, among others, Colette has created a roadmap called ''The Self-Connected Communication Method'' that will eradicate resentment and empower women to emotionally flourish. The book weaves psychological studies with client and personal stories, experiential practices and questions for reflection. There are lots of books on attachment theory, but very little specifically focused on avoidant attachment - until now. The Cost of Quiet shows how avoidant behaviour can seriously undermine a relationship, but how each of us can learn to stop avoiding and start connecting.

Autorentext

Colette Jane Fehr is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC) in Orlando, Florida, where she has maintained a thriving couples therapy practice for ten years. Her professional training includes working with luminaries such as Esther Perel, Sue Johnson, John Gottman and Terry Real.

Klappentext

An empowering, healing guide that reveals the true cost of avoidant behaviour in a relationship - disconnection, disengagement, and divorce - and shows how we can instead learn to speak up and start connecting with the ones we love most.
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'I wish I had spoken up sooner.'*

People think relationships fail because of deal breakers like infidelity, finances, or parenting problems. But the real culprit is often much less dramatic: emotional disconnection after years of staying silent and avoiding conflict. We're afraid to say what we need because we worry about what will come next.

Avoidant behaviour - the need to 'keep the peace' rather than dealing with conflict head on - isn't our fault. Our ingrained attachment wiring urges us to sidestep day-to-day disputes and brush lingering problems under the rug. But silence is a losing proposition in the long term, leading us to self-abandon and essentially 'quiet quit' our relationships.

We can make another choice. In The Cost of Quiet, licensed marriage and family therapist Colette Jane Fehr shines a light on the epidemic of avoidant behaviour and how to overcome it. Drawing from the latest attachment science and evidence-based therapies she's used to repair the bond between hundreds of couples, Fehr gives us the tools to approach those we love with openness, honesty and vulnerability. The ultimate goal: a securely attached relationship that engages with conflict productively, and the confidence that comes from speaking up and being heard - because a good relationship is worth fighting for.