A guide to breaking free from the enduring, and sometimes damaging, behavioral patterns we learned in childhood.

As we try to navigate the complexities and anxieties of adulthood, considering our childhoods can feel like a daunting task. They happened so long ago; we can probably barely remember, let alone relate to, the little person we used to be. But one of the most powerful explanations for why we struggle as adults is that we were denied the opportunity to fully be ourselves as children.

Whether our parents or caregivers were strict disciplinarians, overly fragile, or distant and preoccupied, the way we were taught to act as children deeply influences how we behave as adults. We might have assumed the role of caregiver, become people pleasers, or learned to tell lies to protect ourselves, burying our true needs and desires deep underground.

When we thoroughly examine our upbringings, the larger implications for our adult selves become clear. Once we understand the roots from which our flaws stem, we can begin to correct the harmful behaviors we mistakenly believe to be innate.

This book is a guide to better understanding our younger selves in order to shape who we wish to be today. It explores to what extent we can pin our actions in the present to our experiences in the past, and how we can break free from the learned patterns of our childhoods.

• CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE for moving on from our childhoods.
• DRAWING FROM THE PSYCHOLOGICAL teachings of Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein and Donald Winnicott.
• EXPLORES POPULAR CONCEPTS such as ?The Golden Child,? splitting, and emotional inheritance.

• UNLEARN PROBLEMATIC CHILDHOOD HABITS to improve our current emotional condition.

  Autorentext

  The School of Life is a global organization helping people lead more fulfilled lives. It is a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers, and our social lives-as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. They do this through films, workshops, books, and gifts-and through a warm and supportive community. You can find The School of Life online, in stores and in welcoming spaces around the globe.

The School of Life Press was established in 2016 to bring together over a decade of research and insights from The School of Life's content team. Led by founder and series editor Alain de Botton, this is a library to educate, entertain, console, and transform us.

Klappentext

When trying to deal with our current troubles and anxieties, it can be deeply irritating to be asked to consider our childhoods. They happened so long ago; we can probably barely remember, let alone relate to, the little person we once were. But one of the most powerful explanations for why we may, as adults, be struggling, is that we were denied the opportunity to fully be ourselves in our earliest years. Perhaps we were over-disciplined and cowed, not allowed to be wilful or difficult - and so learned to tell white lies and people-please. Or perhaps our caregivers were preoccupied or fragile and so we had to assume the role of parent, burying our true needs and desires deep underground. When we thoroughly examine our upbringings, the larger implications for our adult selves are clear to see. Once we understand the roots from which our flaws stem, we can set about correcting the harmful behaviours we mistakenly believe to be innate. This book is a guide to better understanding our younger selves in order to shape who we wish to be in the future. It explores to what extent we can pin our actions in the present to our experiences in the past, and how we might then break free from the learned patterns of our childhoods.

Inhalt

Introduction

The Forgotten Past

The Secrets of a Privileged Childhood

Emotional Inheritance

Childhood-Derived Challenges

Attraction to Difficult Partners

Snobbish Parents

People-Pleasing

Criticism

The True and the False Self

Shame, Dread and Anxiety

The Golden Child Syndrome

Over-Achievement

Jolliness

Splitting

Ways Forward

The Importance of a Breakdown

Why Psychotherapy Works

Knowing Things Intellectually vs. Knowing Them Emotionally

What We Owe to the People Who Loved Us in Childhood

On Soothing

Beyond Compliance

The Tragedy of Childhood

Becoming an Adult

The Bittersweet Past