The All-Or-Nothing Marriage

Zusatztext 72117160 Informationen zum Autor ELI J. FINKEL is a professor of psychology and of management and organizations at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University and the director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab. He has published more than one hundred scholarly papers and has won the most prestigious early career awards in both social psychology and relationship science. He is among the youngest scholars ever to serve as an associate editor of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , the top journal in his field, where he is also a widely published author. Klappentext "After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now..."--Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss. The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages--from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional--and shows how any marriage can be better. The primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one oriented toward self-discover, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try "lovehacks." This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today.1. Temperamental but Thrilling I wanted to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, the art of devotion in India, and, in Indonesia, the art of balancing the two. It was only later, after admitting this dream, that I noticed the happy coincidence that all these countries begin with the letter I. A fairly auspicious sign, it seemed, on a voyage of self-discovery. -Elizabeth Gilbert Eat Pray Love, the blockbuster memoir from Elizabeth Gilbert, reports on the year she spent traveling in her midthirties as a means of "spiritual and personal exploration" following her divorce and a heartbreaking rebound relationship. The voyage is a success: By the end, she finds herself thinking "about the woman I have become lately, about the life that I am now living, and about how much I always wanted to be this person and live this life, liberated from the farce of pretending to be anyone other than myself." Not incidentally, she falls deeply in love with a Brazilian-Australian man in Indonesia, eventually achieving marital harmony with him (at least for a while). In Wild, Cheryl Strayed offers a higher-stakes, working-class variation of the themes Gilbert explores in Eat Pray Love. Strayed's memoir, subtitled From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, is another voyage of self-discovery that begins with the failure of one marriage and concludes with the promise of another (one that, as of this writing, has stuck). In their searing narratives of self-discovery, personal growth, and redemptive love, Eat Pray Love and Wild are archetypes of a distinct literary form. These stories tap into our cultural zeitgeist-the contemporary American hunger for a life that is true ...

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ELI J. FINKEL is a professor of psychology and of management and organizations at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University and the director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab. He has published more than one hundred scholarly papers and has won the most prestigious early career awards in both social psychology and relationship science. He is among the youngest scholars ever to serve as an associate editor of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the top journal in his field, where he is also a widely published author.

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"After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now..."--Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss.

The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages--from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional--and shows how any marriage can be better.

The primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one oriented toward self-discover, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try "lovehacks."

This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today.

Échantillon de lecture

1. Temperamental but Thrilling

   I wanted to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, the art of devotion in India, and, in Indonesia, the art of balancing the two. It was only later, after admitting this dream, that I noticed the happy coincidence that all these countries begin with the letter I. A fairly auspicious sign, it seemed, on a voyage of self-discovery.

   -Elizabeth Gilbert

   Eat Pray Love, the blockbuster memoir from Elizabeth Gilbert, reports on the year she spent traveling in her midthirties as a means of "spiritual and personal exploration" following her divorce and a heartbreaking rebound relationship. The voyage is a success: By the end, she finds herself thinking "about the woman I have become lately, about the life that I am now living, and about how much I always wanted to be this person and live this life, liberated from the farce of pretending to be anyone other than myself." Not incidentally, she falls deeply in love with a Brazilian-Australian man in Indonesia, eventually achieving marital harmony with him (at least for a while).

   In Wild, Cheryl Strayed offers a higher-stakes, working-class variation of the themes Gilbert explores in Eat Pray Love. Strayed's memoir, subtitled From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, is another voyage of self-discovery that begins with the failure of one marriage and concludes with the promise of another (one that, as of this writing, has stuck).

   In their searing narratives of self-discovery, personal growth, and redemptive love, Eat Pray Love and Wild are archetypes of a distinct literary form. These stories tap into our cultural zeitgeist-the contemporary American hunger for a life that is true to the self rather than beholden to rules and restrictions. Gilbert and Strayed are, at the beginning of the memoirs, married to loving, decent men, and they know it. But they also crave a sort of personal growth that the marriage isn't providing, and settling for love and decency doesn't feel like an option for them. After their divorces and their voyages, they have found themselves, setting the stage for second marriages, ones that…