The Ethical Slut

The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today’s modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships. “One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity.”--Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex For 20 years The Ethical Slut --widely known as the “Poly Bible”--has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to the ethics of relationships, communication, and sex has been revised to include: • Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships) • Tributes to polyamory pioneers • Tools for conflict resolution and instructions on how to improve interpersonal dynamics • New sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, LGBTQ terminology, and ways polys can connect and thrive The authors also include new content addressing nontraditional relationships beyond the polyamorous paradigm of “more than two”: couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, and cross-orientation relationships, while utilizing nonbinary gender language and new terms that have come into common usage since the last edition.

ldquo;The Ethical Slut is a classic, a book that helped launch the modern non-monogamy movement. Updating a book of such historical significance is no easy task, but The Ethical Slut, Third Edition succeeds beautifully. Where the original broke radical new ground, this edition is more nuanced, a book for a more complex age. In the third edition, we see the wide variety of forms ethical non-monogamy, and indeed human sexual relationships, can take. This new version brings a new focus on consent, talks about the many wonderful and varied ways ethical non-monogamy happens, and shows an appreciation for the vast range of human sexuality. This is The Ethical Slut for a new era, and cements the book’s place as one of the cornerstones of modern non-monogamous thought.”
—Franklin Veaux, *More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory
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“In the two decades since the first edition of The Ethical Slut has been published, polyamory has expanded into a practice that, if not outright mainstream, is at least much more widely accepted and understood. […] The 20th anniversary edition of The Ethical Slut, has been significantly updated and expanded from its humble debut, including sections to poly pioneers, black poly activism and yes, shifting attitudes towards polyamory within a new generation. They acknowledge that millennials reading the book today will not have been raised in the same context that Hardy and Easton were – before the sexual revolution, when saving oneself for marriage was considered the norm.”*
*—Anna Fitzpatrick, *Rolling Stone
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Auteur

Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

Échantillon de lecture
WHO IS AN ETHICAL SLUT?

Many people dream of having an abundance of love and sex and friendship. Some believe that such a life is impossible and settle for less than they want, feeling always a little lonely, a little frustrated. Others try to achieve their dream but are thwarted by outside social pressures or by their own emotions, and decide that such dreams must stay in the realm of fantasy. A few, though, persist and discover that being openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not only possible but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined.

People have been succeeding at free love for many centuries—often quietly, without much fanfare. In this book, we will share the techniques, the skills, and the ideals that have made it work for them.

So who is an ethical slut? We are. Many, many others are. Maybe you are too. If you dream of freedom, if you dream of intimacy both hot and profound, if you dream of an abundance of friends and flirtation and affection, of following your desires and seeing where they take you, then you’ve already taken the first step.

**Why We Chose This Title

From the moment you saw or heard about this book, you probably guessed that some of the terms may not have the meanings you’re accustomed to.

What kind of people would revel in calling themselves sluts? And why would they insist on being recognized for their ethics?

In most of the world, slut is a highly offensive term used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It’s interesting to note that the analogous words stud or player, used to describe a highly sexual man, are often terms of approval and envy. If you ask about a man’s morals, you will probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you ask about a woman’s morals, you are more likely to hear about whom she shares sex with and under what conditions. We have a problem with this.

So we are proud to reclaim the word slut as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Sluts may choose to have no sex at all or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.

As proud sluts, we believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good, activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, open spiritual awareness, even change the world. Furthermore, we believe that every consensual intimate relationship has these potentials and that any erotic pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities.

Sluts share their sexuality the way philanthropists share their money: because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place. Sluts often find that the more love and sex they give away, the more they have: a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and generosity go hand in hand to provide more for everybody. Imagine living in sexual abundance!

About You

Maybe you dream of maintaining several long-term sexual and intimate relationships. Maybe your dream is of a lot of friendships that may or may not include sex. Maybe the idea of genital sex holds no interest for you but you still want to form a warm, loving partnership ... or two or three. Maybe you want monogamy but a kind of monogamy that you and your partner have created according to your own desires and not the blueprint handed down by the greater culture. Maybe you want to be single, connecting where and how you want without changing your fundamental independence. Maybe you want to be part of a couple that occasionally shares a bed with a mutually desirable third party or that takes a planned night away from monogamy every now and then. Maybe you dream of three-way or four-way or orgiastic connections. Maybe you cherish solitude and want to find ways to get your needs met all by yourself with the occasional help of a friend or lover.

Or maybe you want to explore different paths, to try a few things to s…