Parents Who Think Too Much

Informationen zum Autor Anne Cassidy is a writer and mother of three daughters, whose articles appear often in national magazines. Formerly an editor at McCall's, she has been a frequent contributor to Parents, Working Mother, Woman's Day, and Family Circle . She's the author of Parents Who Think Too Much a nd coauthor of Single File . Klappentext With the baby boom generation came the genre of parenting books that told parents how to teach their kids everything from toilet training to developing self-esteem. Generally the message has been: go easy on your child! but hard on yourself. It is starting to become apparent! especially in the best of families! that giving your kids lots of choices! validating their feelings at great peril to your own and providing "enough" individual attention for each child is creating a generation of kids over whom we have no control. Cassidy argues that this comes from over-thinking our role as parents. We've pondered every step so much that the juice! the joy! and worst of all! our confidence is gone. The reasons are clear: We have fewer children later in life so we've had more time to ponder. We've grown up just as research on infant and child development has come of age! so there's no shortage of material to think about. As a generation we've prided ourselves on self-improvement and we bring the same zeal to child improvement. We're less likely to live close to our families! and so are more likely to seek out expert solutions. To counter this thinking! Cassidy will suggest keeping the big picture in mind--what kind of people do you really want your kids to be? Honest! kind! cooperative! empathetic? It may mean losing sight of whether enough play dates are scheduled for the week and if you've positively reinforced the latest creative endeavor! but it will bring back your instincts about what is important to your family as a whole! and to your kids to become decent people. 1 Raising Children by the Book When You'd Rather Raise Them by Heart Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? Henry Ward Beecher I bought my first parenting book before I was a parent. The book was What to Expect When You're Expecting, and I picked it up because of the serene pregnant woman on the pastel cover. I was hoping to become a serene pregnant woman soon, and the book told me what would happen to my body, month by month. I can still feel my hand reaching toward the shelf, a little hesitantly, because I was superstitious. Surely I was tempting fate to buy a book about pregnancy before I was even pregnant. When I look back on that moment, the hesitation takes on another meaning. It says, You were right to waver because books about parenthood ought to be handled with care. Unfortunately, my ambivalence lasted about five seconds. I bought that book and many more. Through three pregnancies and our children's early years, books were the answer. They told us when to call the doctor, what stroller to buy, and how to calm a crying baby. Eventually, the information and advice they contained made me analyze almost every decision I made about our kids, ignore my instincts, and continually question myself. They were addictive, too. Each one left me needing another fix. And each one slightly refashioned me as a parent until there was little left of my original dreams, plans, and intentions. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it happened anyway. I had begun to raise our children by the book. My friend Sue has probably read more parenting books than I have. Often after reading one, she tries out a new philosophy on her children. Her son caught on to her transformations when he was five. Did you read a new book, Mommy? he asked when she tried an upbeat conversational style to encourage obedience. Sue introduced me to a book group. The first volume we discussed was How to Talk ...

Auteur

Anne Cassidy is a writer and mother of three daughters, whose articles appear often in national magazines. Formerly an editor at McCall’s, she has been a frequent contributor to Parents, Working Mother, Woman’s Day, and Family Circle. She’s the author of Parents Who Think Too Much a*nd coauthor of *Single File.

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With the baby boom generation came the genre of parenting books that told parents how to teach their kids everything from toilet training to developing self-esteem. Generally the message has been: go easy on your child, but hard on yourself. It is starting to become apparent, especially in the best of families, that giving your kids lots of choices, validating their feelings at great peril to your own and providing "enough" individual attention for each child is creating a generation of kids over whom we have no control.

Cassidy argues that this comes from over-thinking our role as parents. We've pondered every step so much that the juice, the joy, and worst of all, our confidence is gone. The reasons are clear: We have fewer children later in life so we've had more time to ponder. We've grown up just as research on infant and child development has come of age, so there's no shortage of material to think about. As a generation we've prided ourselves on self-improvement and we bring the same zeal to child improvement. We're less likely to live close to our families, and so are more likely to seek out expert solutions.

To counter this thinking, Cassidy will suggest keeping the big picture in mind--what kind of people do you really want your kids to be? Honest, kind, cooperative, empathetic? It may mean losing sight of whether enough play dates are scheduled for the week and if you've positively reinforced the latest creative endeavor, but it will bring back your instincts about what is important to your family as a whole, and to your kids to become decent people.

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Raising Children by the Book …
When You’d Rather Raise Them by Heart
 
“Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?”
—Henry Ward Beecher
 
I bought my first parenting book before I was a parent. The book was What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and I picked it up because of the serene pregnant woman on the pastel cover. I was hoping to become a serene pregnant woman soon, and the book told me what would happen to my body, month by month. I can still feel my hand reaching toward the shelf, a little hesitantly, because I was superstitious. Surely I was tempting fate to buy a book about pregnancy before I was even pregnant. When I look back on that moment, the hesitation takes on another meaning. It says, You were right to waver because books about parenthood ought to be handled with care.
 
Unfortunately, my ambivalence lasted about five seconds. I bought that book and many more. Through three pregnancies and our children’s early years, books were the answer. They told us when to call the doctor, what stroller to buy, and how to calm a crying baby. Eventually, the information and advice they contained made me analyze almost every decision I made about our kids, ignore my instincts, and continually question myself. They were addictive, too. Each one left me needing another fix. And each one slightly refashioned me as a parent until there was little left of my original dreams, plans, and intentions. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it happened anyway. I had begun to raise our children by the book.
 
My friend Sue has probably read more parenting books than I have. Often after reading one, she tries out a new philosophy on her children. Her son caught on to her transformations when he was five. “Did you read a new book, Mommy?” he asked when she tried an upbeat conversational style to encourage obedience.
 
Sue introduced me to a book group. The first volume we discussed was How to Talk so Kids Will…