People Skills

Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution.

Maybe a wall of silent resentment has shut you off from someone you love. Maybe you listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other. Or maybe your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you. People Skills is a communication skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these "roadblocks" damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.

People Skills will show you:

-How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques
-How body language often speaks louder than words
-How to use silence as a valuable communication tool
-How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments

Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.

Autorentext

Robert Bolton

Inhalt

Contents

**Preface

PART ONE

Introduction

CHAPTER ONE

Skills for Bridging the Interpersonal Gap

*Communication: Humanity's Supreme Achievement

The Ineffectiveness of Most Communication

The Ache of Loneliness

So Much Lost Love

A Key to Success at Work

A Life-or-Death Matter

You Can Change

You Will Change!

Managing Your Resistance to Learning

Five Sets of Skills

Summary*

**CHAPTER TWO

Barriers to Communication

*Common Communication Spoilers

Why Roadblocks Are High-Risk Responses

Judging: the Major Roadblock

Roadblock

Sending Solutions Can Be a Problem!

Avoiding the Other's Concerns

Roadblock Number Thirteen

Summary*

**PART TWO

Listening Skills

CHAPTER THREE

Listening Is More Than Merely Hearing

*The Importance of Listening

Listening Defined

Listening Skill Clusters

Attending Skills

Following Skills

Summary*

**CHAPTER FOUR

Four Skills of Reflective Listening

*Reflective Responses Provide a Mirror to the Speaker

Paraphrasing

Reflecting Feelings

Reflecting Meanings

Summary*

**CHAPTER FIVE

Why Reflective Responses Work

*Style and Structure in Listening

Six Peculiarities of Human Communication

Skepticism Is Best Dissolved by Action

Summary*

**CHAPTER SIX

Reading Body language

*The Importance of Body Language

Nonverbals: The Language of Feelings

The "Leakage" of Masked Feelings

Guidelines for Reading Body Language

Reflect the Feelings Back to the Sender

A Clear But Confusing Language

Summary*

**CHAPTER SEVEN

Improving Your Reflecting Skills

*Guidelines for Improved Listening

Beyond Reflective Listening

When to Listen Reflectively

When Not to Listen Reflectively

The Good News and the Bad News

Summary*

**PART THREE

Assertion Skills

CHAPTER EIGHT

Three Approaches to Relationships

*Listening and Assertion: The Yin and Yang of Communication

Methods for Developing Assertiveness

The Need to Protect One's Personal Space

Impacting

The Submission-Assertion-Aggression Continuum

Payoffs and Penalties of Three Ways of Relating

Choose for Yourself

Summary*

**CHAPTER NINE

Developing Three-Part Assertion Messages

*Verbal Assertion: The Third Option

Three-Part Assertion Messages

Effective and Ineffective Ways of Confrontation

Writing Three-Part Assertion Messages

A Voyage of Self-Discovery and Growth

Summary*

**CHAPTER TEN

Handling the Push-Push Back Phenomenon

*Surprise Attack

The Human Tendency to Be Defensive

The Upward Spiral of Increasing Defensiveness

A Six-Step Assertion Process

Summary*

**CHAPTER ELEVEN

Increasing Your Assertive Options

*Many Varieties of Assertive Behavior

"Natural" Assertions

Self-Disclosure

Descriptive Recognition

Relationship Assertions

Selective Inattention

Withdrawal

The Spectrum Response

Options

Natural and Logical Consequences

Stop the Action; Accept the Feelings

Say "No!,"

Modify the Environment

The Danger of Going Overboard

The Aura of Assertiveness

Summary*

**PART FOUR

Conflict Management Skills

CHAPTER TWELVE

Conflict Prevention and Control

*Conflict Is Unavoidable

Conflict Is Disruptive and/or Destructive

The Benefits of Conflict

Realistic and Nonrealistic Conflict

Personal Conflict Prevention and Control Methods

Group/Organizational Prevention and Control Methods

The Dangers of Conflict Prevention and Control

Summary*

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Handling the Emotional Components of Conflict

*Focus on the Emotions First

The Conflict Resolution Method

The Conflict Resolution Method in Action

Four Ways to Use the Conflict Resolution Method

Preparation for the Encounter

Evaluating the Conflict

Expected Outcomes of the Conflict Resolution Method

Summary*

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Collaborative Problem Solving: Seeking an Elegant Solution

*Three Kinds of Conflict

Alternatives to Collaborative Problem Solving

Seeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem Solving

Six Steps of the Collaborative Problem-Solving Method

What This Problem-Solving Method Communicates

Collaborative Problem-Solving in Action

Handling the Crucial Preliminaries

What Do I Do When Collaborative Problem Solving Doesn't Work?

Applications of Collaborative Problem Solving

Summary*

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Three Essentials for Effective Communication

*In Communication, Skills Alone Are Insufficient

Genuineness

Non-possessive Love

Empathy

Implementation of the Core Attitudes*

**AFTERWORD

Four Steps to Improved Communication

*A Quantified Commitment to Use the Skills

Select Appropriate Situations

Undaunted by Occasional Failure

Prepare Others for the Change

Skill Training*

**Notes

Index