Musings of an Amputee

Many books have been written extolling the virtues of mind over matter and "how I overcame great adversity." I have no intentions of attempting anything so ambitious at this time, but I definitely have things I want to share. You see, my experiences were not mind over matter. I did not pull myself up by my bootstraps and I found getting back on the horse to be more than a notion. The burden of such activity would have made my recovery from amputation surgery insurmountable. And I still haven't gotten over the loss of my leg. I live with it.

I chronicled the events and emotions during the experience of losing my leg as best I could. Often, through the haze of Demerol and Morphine, I would write in my journal while recuperating in the hospital.

This is not a day by day account of my journey through to recovery, although several of the essays certainly chronicle my progression. This is a series of essays, poems, letters, journal entries and 'how I felt today' writings and much of this collection was written after the event. It is an attempt to free my mind and my memory of feelings that have haunted me since mid-August 1999. Writing this book became my own style of therapeutic recovery. It also fulfilled my need to tell someone what happened to me, to strip, baring my soul and my thoughts. A chance to say it out loud.

And so, I write this for my family who didn't understand why this happened to me any more than I did, but never failed to stand by me. They journeyed with me too. And I write this for the millions of people who don't understand why bad things happen to them, but struggle daily to cope with their circumstances. I write this for all the people the spotlight has evaded. Their stories never make the news. No one is there to share their heroism or their trials, and yet they continue on.

What follows is a collection of essays, poems, thoughts, letters, prayers and realizations, journal entries ... musings.